Letter to the Upper Thames Sailing Club Members.
Ahoy, Me Hearties!
Captain Philip here, and I need yer help to man all the boats for our jolly team, the Black Pig, to victory in the Upper Thames Sailing Club Relay Race. I be a great and brave captain, but a lousy sailor, so I be lookin' for some brave and competent crew and cadets to join our ranks and take to the seas (well, the river!) for a day of swashbucklin' fun and friendly competition.
Blistering barnacles! We're on the hunt for four helms and two brave crew members to man our dinghies, a stolen Wayfarer, a Rocketed Merlin, a not so OK OK and a whatever ye cadets can sail. If ye've got the spirit of adventure and a taste for the high seas, then we want ye! Dolloping doubloons! This be no ordinary race; it's a test of skill, courage, and a bit of luck. So, if ye think ye've got what it takes, step up and prove it. Lolloping landlubbers need not apply!
The Adventure Awaits:
What We Need: Coddling catfish! We need four helms and two crew for this grand adventure with suitable names:
Wayfarer Helm
OK Helm
Merlin Rocket Helm
Cadet Helm
Two Crew Members to man the Wayfarer and Merlin Rocket
Date:This Saturday
Coddling catfish! Don't be a dithering dogfish, seize this opportunity and set sail with the best crew on the high seas. Tottering turtles, there's no time to waste – the race awaits!
**Time:** 3pm
**Location:** The River Bank
**Team Name:** The Black Pig and this be our flag and marker
What I Need: Competent Sailors: Ye need to know yer way 'round a dinghy because I certainly don't.
One or more cadets. Suffering seagulls, this race is ours for the taking!
Pirate Spirit: Dress like a pirate, act like a pirate, and be ready for some hearty laughter and high seas hijinks.
Team Spirit: Work together, cheer each other on, and enjoy the camaraderie of yer fellow crew members.
What's in it for Ye:- An afternoon filled with fun, laughter, and adventure- The chance to show off yer sailing skills-
Braggin' rights as part of the most feared (and fun!) crew on the river
How to Join: Reply to this email philip@philipmrussell.education We need a full crew to man the Black Pig, so don't delay!
Dress Code: Pirate attire (Stripy t-shirts, Bandanas, tricorn hats, and hearty laughs are a must!)
This be a call to arms for all ye aspiring pirates and seasoned sailors alike. Let's hoist the sails, take to the water, and show 'em what the crew of the Black Pig is made of! So, me hearties, who's with me? Raise yer hand, step aboard, and let’s show them what true sailors are made of. Stuttering starfish, to the victory, we sail!
Captain Philip
The Black Pig
P.S. Extra rum rations for those who bring the best pirate jokes! At the Bar after the race Arrr! Cadets get Coke!!!
P.P.S. As an veteran School House Team Leader my Team has always won - by hook or by crook
Captain Philip
The Black Pig
P.S. Extra rum rations for those who bring the best pirate jokes! At the Bar after the race Arrr! Cadets get Coke!!!
P.P.S. As an veteran School House Team Leader my Team has always won - by hook or by crook
Second Call
Ahoy, Me Hearties! The Black Pig Needs You for a Daring New Plan!
Now listen up to me, hearties.
We have now been entered into the race but we lack just one thing YOU.I be a-thinkin' that the Black Pig might be a little too large and maybe a little too slow on the Thames to beat down those other teams. So, I propose that we get some new boats. I understand there be lying at the Upper Thames Sailing Club a Wayfarer or two just waiting to be commandeered, as well as some Merlins and a not-so-OK OK and these little one cadeters.Here be the plan: on Saturday morning, a team of us brave conscripts will take these boats and make sure the stop cocks are left open on all the other boats to give us a fairer chance of being the winning team.
Kipper me capstans! We'll be the swiftest and most feared on the water!
We still Need: because some crew are running off to Twickenham
Helms and Crew:
Wayfarer Helm
OK Helm
Merlin Rocket Helm
Cadet Helm
Two Crew Members to support the fleet
Many Saboteurs
Lots of Cadets
I have the trusty baton which will give us the advantage over the other boats. And to strike fear into their hearts, I have all the Marks—the good old Jolly Roger—to drape over our boats. Blistering barnacles! They'll weigh anchor and flee as we approach!
Suffering seagulls! Plundering porpoises! We need all hands on deck to make this race one to remember. Staggering stalactites! We won't be outdone by those nautical nitwits in the other boats.
Fair winds and following seas,
Captain Philip
The Black Pig
P.S. Blistering barnacles! Extra rum rations or Coke for those under the age of drunkeness for those who bring the best pirate jokes! Arrr!
P.P.S. Shuddering sharks! Dithering dogfish! Don't forget to bring yer best pirate accent and be ready for some scuttling cuttlefish fun. Tottering turtles! Let's make this a race they won't soon forget!
The Third Message
YOUR CAPTAIN NEEDS
YOU
I have just been down to the river with my motley crew, and blimey, it was lonely down there! Then it hit me like a broadside: the race is on Saturday, and today be Thursday. We were a-spyin' out the boats, but there be none to see. And worse yet, I realized I have no crew for the Merlin Rocket -or even a Merlin Rocket. I have at least two cadets to help the conscripts walk the plank pontoon to the boats.
A Desperate Plea for Crew:
Nautical nitwits! Without a full crew, we cannot race. As Captain, I don’t concern meself with the types of boats or what they look like—that be the crew's job. But suffering seagulls, we be in dire straits!
Some Adults haven't even read the free RUM bit !!!
I have a Cunning Plan:
Come closer and I’ll tell ye.
We may have to kidnap a fair damsel and place her in a safety boat.
Then, we'll get the club members to rescue her. (They could be our crew and not know it.
They may need to rescue her in a Wayfarer, then an OK, and then a Merlin Rocket, only to fail
and have one of my trusty cadets rescue her in a Topper at the finishing line!
Fair winds and following seas,
Captain Philip
The Black Pig
P.S. Blistering barnacles! Extra rum rations or Coke for those under the age of drunkenness for those who bring the best pirate jokes! Arrr!
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